Your Marriage ceremony-Day Magnificence Look | The New Yorker

Hey, lovely bride-to-be!

We’re so thrilled that you simply selected us to be your wedding-day make-up workforce. Right here at Really Assured Bridal, we’re all about letting your “pure magnificence” shine by. We promise you’ll be probably the most gorgeous gal within the room, and it’ll solely take ninety hours and a workforce of twelve professionals to attain this! Beneath, you’ll discover a breakdown of our choices.

The “Born with It” Package deal

With this easy, no-fuss bundle, you’ll have your selection of 4 make-up purposes:

Airbrush
For those who select this light-weight choice, you may be assured that your make-up will keep
put till the tip of your magical evening, once you scrub it away with a Mr. Clear Magic
Eraser and a few Goo Gone (not included).

Plaster
We’ll coat your face in a combination of primer, max-coverage concealer, and cement. This longwear make-up is assured to final out of your “first look” to your first anniversary, whether or not you prefer it or not.

Crop-Mud
Merely stand in an open discipline whereas our almost licensed workforce member Devin flies overhead in a prop aircraft and drenches you with your entire City Decay product line. The daring results of this aerial utility will final eternally.

Common
This conventional model of make-up means that you can look probably the most like your self in your big day. We don’t suggest it.

A few of our hottest add-ons for the “Born with It” bundle embrace lip plumper, hair extensions, leg extensions, armpit contouring, brow Spanx, nostril transplant, clavicle sculpting, eyebrow toupees, and false lashes.*

*False lashes are optionally available, however in the event you refuse them, Devin will scream.

The “Flip Again Time” Particular

We’re happy to announce a brand-new service for a restricted time: an elbow double! For any photographs that function the again of your arms, a thirteen-year-old woman will function a stand-in for you and your weathered, outdated arm hinge. It’s completely pain-free and may make you look wherever from ten to sixty-five years youthful! (This supply expires on the finish of June, when Devin’s niece leaves for sleepaway camp.)

The “A-Lister” Package deal

We’ll rent a Hadid sister to be you in your marriage ceremony day! Don’t fear—you’ll nonetheless get to be a part of the celebration out of your hiding place below the d.j. sales space. We personally pledge that your photographs will look spectacular. And Devin might be standing by to sneak you desk scraps.

The “Good Groom” Package deal

If wanted, we additionally supply a complete bundle for grooms! With this, our good-looking groom will get:

• One bottle of barrel-aged whiskey.

• A moist comb run by his hair.

• A high-five.

We will’t wait to your huge day. We assure that you simply’ll be wanting your greatest, which is to say, like a unique individual totally!

XOXO,
The Really Assured Bridal Workforce